Sometimes Monique and I will look at our kids and debate which actions/faces/behaviors come from which side. Any cute faces, sweet dispositions, or general happiness, is from me of course! It is natural to want our kids to learn from us. After all, family is the primary unit by which a child learns about the world around him, and this is exactly how God set it up to begin with. But something unique happened the other day that opened my eyes to something that, in retrospect, is pretty obvious.
When I got home that day, Monique told me that Vivianne had gotten in trouble at school. She had yelled at a classmate, and she had even yelled at her teacher. My first response was to get on to Vivi. She shouldn’t yell at anyone, much less a teacher. She needed to learn a lesson! It was then I heard God speak to me.
“You know Jason, she learns both the good and the bad from you.”
Ouch. That was painful to hear. I felt terrible. If I can go glass house for just a moment, sometimes I yell when I get frustrated. Well, most often I do. I don’t know why, but that is how my frustration comes out. And honestly, it is really easy sometimes, especially with kids. It definitely isn’t right. It is something I need to change. Goodness, though, if there’s anything that will force you to work on rough spots in your life, its kids.
For instance, Vivi had been in the shower long enough, so I told her to get out. “Vivi, get out of the shower.” VIVI, get out of the shower.” Third time now, “VIVI, GET OUT OF THE SHOWER!” I guess in my mind, I say, “Maybe she can’t hear me.” Doubtful. She simply wasn’t obeying, and it made me frustrated.
So you see, it is 100% possible she learned “yell when you get frustrated” from me. We’ve all done it, so don’t beat yourself up too bad. It is hard sometimes to contain the frustration, especially when dealing with your kids. I’ve said time and time again how it is mind-boggling how something so small can pull unbelievable love from you one moment, and the fires of Mordor the next.
But this was a powerful reminder to me. I want the best for my kids. I want them in the best school, in the best programs, on the best team. I want them to have every advantage I can provide for them. There’s nothing wrong with that (as long as you keep it in perspective), but I have to realize that the best I can do for my kids doesn’t begin with the right team or school or program. It starts with me. I am my kids’ first teacher, and I am the teacher they will study under the longest. What does that mean? It means I have a responsibility to be my best for their benefit. I am going to have to address things in my life that need addressing. I am going to have to change some unhealthy behaviors. But, goodness, what an incentive! Not only will I be a better person, but I will be actively giving my kids my best!
Galatians 5:19-23 tells us,
“19 When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, 21 envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.
22 But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!”
The last thing I want my kids learning from me is verses 19-21. They need to see verses 22-23 in me. Granted, I am still human and I still mess up. Unfortunately, my kids may see anger in me. They may get a glimpse of hostility. Gosh, I hope they never see any of that, but even if – when – they see me fail, I get to teach them a few things that are infinitely beautiful: repentance, forgiveness, a God who loves us.
Proverbs 22:6 is a powerful promise that we’ve all heard. “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Amazing verse. Serious responsibility. It is a responsibility we should take to heart. Our kids really are learning everything. They really are sponges, soaking up the water in our lives, and whatever is in that water, too.
Every day, I have the opportunity to teach my children how to live a life that honors God. And the other day, I had a simple reminder from my Heavenly Father to pay more attention to how I act. Little eyes are watching, and little ears are listening. That is why, at the end of that day, Monique and I gathered Vivianne in our arms and asked her to forgive us for yelling at her. We told her we would do our best not to yell anymore. So she got to see a variety of things throughout this process. She learned yelling was wrong. She learned that even mommy and daddy make mistakes. She learned what forgiveness looked like.
At the end of the day, I want to do my best, to give my best. I want to minimize what my kids shouldn’t learn from me, and maximize what they should. Good and bad, they’re learning. While it hurt, I was glad God spoke to me. I was glad he helped me see something that needing attention. I have asked God several times since then if there’s anything else he wants to change. This is a good question to ask regularly. I know that you, like me, want to be the best you can for your family. With God’s help, we can be.
Titus 2:7 “Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, and sound speech that cannot be condemned”
Be blessed,
J