My little girl, Vivianne, was born in 2011, and since that time, I’ve learned so much about babies, toddlers, discipline, and life, really. As parents, we know we are to train our children, to raise them well, and teach them things about life. The funny thing is, children teach you so much about yourself, about life, about God, and the list goes on. It is really amazing how much I’ve learned. To add to the mix, we are expecting again. It makes me wonder how much more I am about to learn.

The Bible tells us in Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it (ESV).” I don’t want to just have kids. I want to have godly kids, respectful kids, kids with integrity and honor. So how do I do that? How can I raise godly kids in this world that seems so ungodly?

I am by no means the expert, but after years of working with youth and college students, learning from other parents, after having kids of my own, and learning what the Bible says about the subject, I’ve come up wit he following that I try to do in my own home.

1. You can’t teach what you don’t know.

I think it would be hard for me to hire a personal trainer who was 150 lbs overweight. That wouldn’t make a lot of sense, right? If you hire a personal trainer, you want someone who is in great shape, because they probably know how to help you get in great shape, too.

In the same way, you can’t expect your child to do something you don’t do yourself. If you want your child to have a great relationship with God, it doesn’t start with a children’s Bible, it starts with the child’s parent: you. Prayer as a lifestyle in your kiddo’s life starts when prayer is a lifestyle in you. Godliness that is alive and well in a parent is what is needed for godliness that is alive and well in a child.

The sad thing is that the adverse is true as well. If being a part of a local church body isn’t that important to you, it won’t be to them as well. If watching things or listening to things that aren’t healthy for you is ok to you, then don’t get upset when they do the same thing. What you model they will mimic. What is important to you will be important to them, especially when they are very young.

You can’t teach what you don’t know, but the beauty is that you can learn it, but it is going to take you having the relationship with God that you should have had all along. Remember, you are a child yourself, God’s child. As you try to mimic your Heavenly Father, your children will try to mimic you. Follow Paul’s lead in 1 Corinthians 11:1 with your children: “Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ (ESV).”

Remember, you’ll never be the father or mother God’s called you to be until you become the son or daughter he’s called you to be.

2. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness. 

I was preparing for a teaching the other day and came across a verse in Judges that really moved me. Judges 13:8 “Then Manoah prayed to the Lord and said, “O Lord, please let the man of God whom you sent come again to us and teach us what we are to do with the child who will be born (ESV).”

The Angel of The Lord had just told Manoah’s wife they’d have Samson, and his response to that was simply, “God, teach me what to do.” A parent who seeks the Lord on how to raise his/her child is wise, plain and simple. Trust a father of a strong-willed toddler, you need God’s help! James 1:5 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him (ESV).” Ask God to help you, but have the courage to follow through when he speaks.

God definitely has the best advice, but it is also wise to seek out people around you who are both godly and knowledgable. Your pastors are great places to start. Also, another good tip is to seek out godly people you trust who have kids that exhibit the qualities you desire in your kids. They just may have some good advice to give you!

Several months back, the head of our children’s department at our church, along with my wife and I, sat down to talk about some disciplinary issues with Vivi. To be honest, at first I didn’t want to talk about it. It was personal and I wanted to believe my little girl was perfect, right!?!? Truth is, there were things we were doing (and not doing) that needed to change to bring about the desired result in our kiddo. We followed the advice and it has done wonders!

Advice is great, but the follow-through is the most important part about good advice. You have to be willing to add, eliminate, or change some of your actions, because sometimes, like it was for us, the issue wasn’t so much that we had a kid with an issue, but we were parents with one.

Ask God to help you raise your children like he wants them raised. Ask those you trust around you who are godly people to give you advice. Asking for help doesn’t mean you are a bad parent, it means you want to be a better parent. And with help from God and godly people, you can be!

3. Figure out what your kids really need. 

Second only, in my opinion, to modeling what you want your children to mimic is being aware of what your child needs. While there are techniques and instructions that do apply to every situation (ex. discipline, living godly lives, etc.), these techniques and advice may not be the same for every child, which is why you can’t apply specific parenting techniques that work for someone else like a blanket to your child. Every child is different. Do you need the same things from God that your spouse does? Of course not! But one of the beautiful things about your relationship with God is that it is personal. He knows specifically what you need.

The same goes with you as a parent. You need to know what your child needs. That means you have to get involved in their lives, especially in their teenage years. While it is true that your teen needs a little more space than your toddler, it doesn’t mean that your teen needs no fencing at all (Proverbs 29:15). You have to be involved in every aspect of their lives.

Especially online. So many teens today have smartphones and social media accounts. Most teens are abandoning Facebook because their parents are on it. So they go to things like Instagram, Snapchat, Kik, etc. If you don’t know what social accounts your teenager has, you are asking for trouble. It isn’t just about online predators. It is about your teen engaging in activities that don’t bring God glory, or that lead them to lifestyles that don’t line up with God’s Word. Would you let your teen go out with friends to a place you don’t know? A place you’ve never heard of? A place where you don’t know what they are doing? That’s what happens when you allow your teen have unrestricted access to social media. You are opening the door to destruction in their lives.

Now I really enjoy social media, but I am 34 years old and still know that at any time my wife can check my usage. She has my passwords and knows what accounts I have. It is one of the ways I keep myself in check. You need to do the same with your children. Don’t allow social media that you can’t monitor. Get account usernames and passwords to monitor their activity, and check their accounts weekly, if need be, but at the very least, get involved in their social lives, physically and online. This is a part of figuring out what your child or teen needs.

Contrary to what society wants you to believe, your kid doesn’t need you to be their friend. They have tons of em. Unfortunately, many parents have valued friendship over parenthood and it has produced horrible things in the lives of their children. Parents may do this with the best intentions, but the message they send to their children is that friendships are what should influence them, that friendship is to be valued higher than the parent/child relationship. This nurtures the trend that when faced with problems, teens almost always go to their friends, not parents. This is not a biblical view of parenthood. They need parents, people who are godly influences, who help them solve their problems according to God’s Word, and who are dedicated to their children becoming all that God wants them to be.

They also don’t need you to be slack when it comes to discipline. That doesn’t mean you beat your kids. It means when they do wrong, you don’t let it continue. You address it, follow the address with proper discipline (*yes, I believe in spanking because of Proverbs 13:24), and you allow the mistake to be a teaching moment. It is going to take a huge effort from you as the parent, but the rewards are wonderful. Don’t just take my word for it, trust God when he says: “For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” (Hebrews 12:11 ESV)

Children, their whole lives, need parents that model holiness, exhibit stability, show themselves faithful, value godliness, properly use discipline, and love their children enough to be involved in every part of their lives.

There are so many ways we could go with this and so many things that could be written about what your child needs or doesn’t need, but you need to ask God to reveal things about your child, how to raise them, how to protect them, how to help them become who God wants them to be. God made your kiddos and knows exactly the purpose he created them for. You do your kids, your families, yourselves, God, and even society the greatest service by asking his direction on raising them.

We have at least one new baby on the way. I need God to help me be the best parent I can be. So I’ve started asking God the following:

1. Help me raise my children in a way that honors you.
2. If there is anything I am modeling that doesn’t honor you, show me so I can change it.
3. Show me things in my children’s lives that you want me to address
4. Open my eyes to what my children need in every aspect of their lives.
5. Help me have courage to ask those godly people to whom you’d direct me for instruction and advice on raising my children

I would encourage you to follow this link to openbible.org to read Bible verses that speak to parenting. The Bible says a lot on how to raise godly children, but I can’t stress enough that godly children begin with godly parents. Seek God. Nothing in life works without Jesus. Love your spouse. Your kids learn how to interact with their future spouse by watching how you interact with yours. Commit to doing whatever it takes to raise godly children. Ask for wisdom. God will give it to you!

Matthew 6:33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Be blessed!
J

*Proverbs 13:24 doesn’t say, “Spare the rod and spoil the child.” It says, “Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him (ESV).” This is why we spank. It is because we love our children

Image Credit