So after reading the first part of this story, I want to share a few things that have happened that both made me see God is working things out in me, but also how he is doing it.
It is great to know you have a problem, to recognize it, to identify it, but that is just half the battle. At some point you are going to have to deal with the problem. I think, many times, that is the hardest part. You have to make a decision of whether or not you face this thing head on. Let me just warn you that if you do decide to face your flaw head on, that you give it your all. Half-hearted attempts lead to whole-hearted disappointments. So even now, before you continue on reading this, ask God to show you your flaw, but also that he’d give you the courage to go all in. It is worth it.
So I was shown the flaw, and I was shown the reason, so now it was time to deal with it. I had to deal with my anger, but rather than just trying to manage it, I needed God to change my perspective on it. I have said many times to our students, “God may not snap his finger and change your situation. In fact, he rarely does that. He changes our perspective, our perception, of the situation. And that changes the situation.” To be honest, I didn’t want God just to snap his fingers and take away the anger. For me personally, I needed to see the what and why of him taking that flaw out of my life. So here’ show it has been happening:
1. The root of my anger was selfishness.
It may be different in you, but for me, my anger was a result of how I felt people were wronging me, taking advantage of me, etc. I had to figure that out to get it out for good.
Selfishness is a very ugly thing. It can make the best person the worst in milliseconds. Selfishness says everything is about me and how I feel. It says, “You did me wrong, so I am going to respond to you in a way that lets you know I have been wronged.” Selfishness has not now, nor has it ever, sought the best for anyone. Perhaps you’d think that selfishness seeks the best for the selfish person. You’d be wrong. Say a man with the largest hoard of nuclear weapons was attacked. Say he launched his weapons to defeat those attacking him. Say he beat them. What would he have gained? Victory? Sure. But what kind of world would be left to enjoy? The same is true with selfishness. You may have won your little struggle, but the wake of destruction that is left behind by selfishness makes it impossible for you to enjoy it. Selfish anger is sinful. And the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. Every time I got angry, it was because someone was “wronging” me. I would blow up and explode and win that little battle, but I’d have carnage to deal with.
2. God has allowed situations that frustrate or anger me to enter my life.
It kinda sounds mean, but this is how it works. He doesn’t just snap it away. He gives me opportunities to grow and learn and make the right decision.
But here’s what I have seen during these last few weeks: God, by his Holy Spirit, has allowed me to play out my normal response versus the godly response in my mind in a split second, allowing me to see the outcomes before I react. Nothing good has come from my reactions from emotion. Some people say they feel better after an outburst. It is a false feeling. It really just creates more problems.
This past week, I took a group of 35 people to New Jersey for a week-long mission trip. One of the best ways for God to provide opportunities to deal with frustration and anger is by taking a group of 35 people to New Jersey for a week-long mission trip. Now add a Category 2 hurricane to the mix, disappointment from not getting to go to New York as we’d planned, and the craziness of trying to figure out some other alternative in the matter of minutes. It was a little stressful to say the least. But during this trip, I had plenty of opportunities to get frustrated and allow the Hulk to come out and wreck some things. But thank God, I was able to have a good attitude, focus on the real reason we were on the trip, and remember that God was giving me the opportunity to be better.
If you walk this road to dealing with your issues, get ready for opportunities practice, because you’re gonna get ’em buddy. But, practice makes perfect, they say. It’s true!
This last piece has been the most profound for me so far. I admittedly don’t have a huge mercy/encouragement gifting. I tend to be very black and white about things. Either get on the boat or get off. And throughout this process, it has seemed like the very giftings I felt the weakest in are the greatest tools I’ve needed to fight anger in my life.
We were coming back from New Jersey and had stopped at a rest area in Delaware. There was a man standing at the entrance to the restrooms. I could tell he worked there, but no one was really paying attention to him. Everyone, including myself, just walked past him, going about our business. As I was walking back to the bus talking with one of our chaperones, I felt a wave hit me. My skin goosebumped, I began to tear up immediately. It even took my breath away. I heard God say to me, “Go talk to him.”
I interrupted my chaperone in mid sentence, and turned to go speak to the man. I introduced myself, asked him what his job was, how he was doing, and remarked that it stunk that he had to work on July 4th. He told me his job was to clean the restrooms. We spoke for a few moments. He was very nice, and right before I walked away, I told him how much I appreciated his work, that the bathrooms were very clean and nice, and then I thanked him and said that I hope he had a great weekend. I just felt he needed to be encouraged, for someone to acknowledge him. As I was walking back to the bus, it hit me: compassion.
3. For me, compassion is the way I am going to overcome anger.
If my anger is rooted in selfishness, then my freedom from it is rooted in compassion.
It all made sense to me, even in relation to the interaction with the gentleman at the rest stop. In Luke 19, the Bible tells about Jesus’ approach to Jerusalem. It says in verse 41, “But as he came closer to Jerusalem and saw the city ahead, he began to weep.” Jesus was moved with compassion for Jerusalem, the people who only a few chapters later are chanting for his crucifixion. But compassion is an amazing thing. It makes you change your perspective in a heartbeat. When I saw that man at the rest area, I had compassion on him, and God used that man to teach me a profound lesson about compassion.
What I’ve really needed isn’t just a way to manage anger. I’ve needed a change of heart. i’ve needed to see the value of doing what’s right even if that means abandoning my rights. I’ve needed something to change my view of what is going on. And it just so happens that the very compassion I’ve needed all along to overcome anger in my life has been the byproduct of the two things I’ve felt I was the worst at: grace and mercy. I realized that the answer to overcoming my main flaw may be in the very thing I thought I was lacking the most.
I was never without grace and mercy. My anger was just so big, I didn’t know they were there. My anger is rooted in selfishness. But compassion, made from grace and mercy, is what is going to help me defeat it.
Every day, I silence another volcano in my life. I am so thankful that God has taken the time to show me this flaw, but even more, that he is helping me overcome it. Volcanos are scary and destructive, but they can also be a peaceful mountain that is beautiful and productive, a place people want visit, a place people want to enjoy. You just have to take the magma out. That’s what has been going on in my life lately. It has been a wild ride, but goodness has it been good.
So where does this leave you and I? For me, it is still a process. I still feel frustrated sometimes, but the Holy Spirit is helping me respond in godliness instead of emotion. For you, I hope you have been encouraged to ask God what flaws are holding you back. I pray that God has opened your eyes and that you have the courage to deal with it. Whenever you get tired or disillusioned or discouraged, remember that God’s goodness and his kindness are leading you to repentance, that he has the best in mind for you, and even though you may not understand everything that is going on in your life right now, believe that God is working all things together for your good, for his purpose, in your life.
Romans 8:28 And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.
Be blessed
J